I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
