I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
