This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
