Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
