matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
