all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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