I don't usually arrange sex via text message
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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