dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, beer. Big fan.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
