So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize