seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
