i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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