You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
