i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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