That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
