So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
