You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
