Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
