got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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