There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We don't watch enough power rangers
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
