Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
