I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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