I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
