you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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