It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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