Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
