so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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