I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
dude. I can hear the air.
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