can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
