Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
