I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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