I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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