my vag is so smooth its legendary
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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