So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
