nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
