break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
