i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize