the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Randomize
