YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In other news, I just burned my penis
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
