i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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