So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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