Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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