Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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