i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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