HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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