So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
