tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am one with the molecules
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
