i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
