And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
