Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize