we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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