just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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