don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
