Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize