I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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