Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
