11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
