Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
