What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize