You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize