I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
