How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
