I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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