i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize