She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
