he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
