Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
