the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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