I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
