yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize